October 2010 Archives

DIY crack: "Where's my patching cement?"

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As these things go, my guilty pleasure is a pretty benign one.  About the only TV I can sit down to anymore is home improvement shows.  And not Tim the Toolman but old episodes of "This Old House," "Hometime," "Holmes on Homes," whatever.  My local PBS and a few secondary off air channels provide a trickle of mostly repeats on the weekends.  When I had cable Discovery provided a few more, and DIY was a premium channel with in house shows that were new as good as the Public Broadcasting originals.

So here's my question:  Netflix has licensed hundreds of old TV shows to fill out their "Watch Instantly" system.  Viewers are getting a sweet taste of what we've known we've wanted for decades.  A la carte, on demand programming with an immense back catalog.  Despite thousands of TV shows available in its system, there isn't a single home improvement, DIY or similar show in Netflix's catalog. A few episodes of PBS's "Frontline" and some Mythbusters are about the closest.  

In fairness, shows like Hometime aren't produced by the network.  They get some initial funding from the network for first broadcast rights which usually just covers the cost of production.  Profits come from merchandising, and video sales.   It has been said that tremendous sales of Hometime's Log Cabin series were largely responsible for the show's executive producer Dean Johnson being able to keep the Log Cabin itself after construction as well as build at least two other luxury homes for himself (also on camera, natch.)

I don't know how many people would agree, but that is my suggestion for Netflix.. find a way to buy rights to these shows cheap and I can live vicariously, without ripping down more walls in my house.  My wife will thank you.

The Condemned

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When the earth was created, the powers above,
Gave each man a job to work at and love.
He made doctors and lawyers and plumbers and then,
He made carpenters, singers, and confidence men.
And when each had a job to work as he should,
He looked them all over and saw it was good.

He then sat down to rest for a day,
When a horrible groan chanced to come his way.
The Lord then looked down and his eyes opened wide,
For a motley collection of bums stood outside.
"And what do you want?" the creator asked them,
"Help us," they cried out, "A job for us men".
"We have no profession," they cried in dismay,
"And even the jails have turned us away".
Said the Lord, "I've seen many things without worth,
But here I find gathered the scum of the earth!"

The Lord was perplexed, and then he was mad,
For the jobs were all gone, there was none to be had.
Then he spoke aloud in a deep angry tone,
"Forever and ever ye mongrels shall roam,
Ye shall freeze in the summer and sweat when it's cold,
Ye shall work on equipment that's dirty and old,
Ye shall crawl under raised floors, and there cables lay,
Ye shall be called out at midnight and work through the day,
Ye shall work on all holidays, and not make your worth,
Ye shall be blamed for all downtime that occurs on the earth,
Ye shall watch all the glory go to software and sales,
Ye shall be blamed by them both if the system then fails.
Ye shall be paid nothing out of sorrow and tears,
Ye shall be forever cursed, and called SYSTEMS ENGINEERS!"

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